To give Hikaru no Go a yaoi meaning
by Kal Kally
Summary: What really happened before and after the game between Sai and Touya Meisin. SaiHikaru. Chapter 6 is up.
1. Misunderstanding

To give Hikaru no Go a yaoi meaning

Kal Kally

Pairing: Sai/Hikaru, Akira/Hikaru and a hint of Sai/Torajiro.

Disclaimer: I feel so bad to shamelessly use Hotta Yumi & Obata Takeshi's characters for my twisted purpose. Just kidding. I was having a great time writing this.

Warning: If you are offended by yaoi or the pairings, don't read it.

Chapter 1: Misunderstanding

"The day after tomorrow, the game between you and Touya Meisin will take place, are you nervous?" Hikaru asked while throwing his school bag into a corner. 

Sai turned his back to the boy and closed his eyes, feeling the familiar sense of excitement that he had been feeling the whole week. "Not really. I'm looking forward to it with excitement. To face with such a strong opponent is surely a kind of happiness. Don't you feel the same with Akira Touya?" 

For a moment, in the room there were only the noises of rustling clothes, then they were followed by Hikaru's voice. "I'm not sure. Sometime I feel tired of chasing after him. Sometime, I do feel excited. It's that excitement that urges me to keep trying."

"I'm sure someday you'll be able to catch up to him." Sai smiled assuringly and turned around. He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sight of a nearly naked Hikaru. He gulped as his eyes instinctly looked at Hikaru up and down. They traveled to his creamy chest, his arms, his legs and finally stopped at his hands, now were about to pull down his underwear.

"Stop." Sai yelled, turned around, blushing wildly. "You should have warned me first if you want to take off all of your clothing."

"But..." Hikaru squeaked in confusion then anger seeped into his voice. "How many time have you watched me undressing before? Why suddenly play innocent? What the hell is wrong with you recently?"

Sai bit his lips, unable to answer. He heard Hikaru coming nearer and shuddered at the thought of having a naked Hikaru so close. "Don't come near me." He yelled at the boy. You'll never know what you're doing to me. So please go away, please stop. Sai mentally pleaded. 

Hikaru didn't hear his silent plead. The boy did stop; however, what was said next stabbed him right at the heart. "You're not disgusting with my body, are you?"

Hikaru, how could you think that?

"Sai?" Hikaru asked again. "Is that true?"

He had heard the hurt in Hikaru's voice and knew that if he didn't answer, the result would be disaster. But what should he say? That the sight of Hikaru's body unclothed made him feel something far different from disgusted. Something close to desire?

"Please say something, Sai." Hikaru pleaded.

And if he told Hikaru the truth, would it be Hikaru's turn to be disgusted with him? Would he drive the boy away forever? Truth hurt. So Sai chose lies and keep silent.

"It's not that I care. Hikaru yelled and ran away. A moment after, he heard the door of the bathroom slammed shut.

Sometimes, lies hurt also.

Being left alone, all what Sai could feel was bitterness. Since when did he start to think of Hikaru as more than just someone he used to fulfill his desire to play Go? The past had left him such a painful lesson. How could he forget?

It happened before. He had once let a man own his frozen heart and melt it by his unbelieving kindness. But with Torajiro's death, his heart also died. He promised himself once not to fall for anybody again, for a human's lifetime was only a blink in comparison to the eternal time he thought he possessed. Fate had some twisted plan to play with him, however. Hikaru came, and before he knew, the boy had already come into his heart and brought it back to life. First, become a friend and later, become his desire.

Such a desire could never be fulfilled, for desire and even love could never pass the line between death and life.

If only he still had a body. If only he was still alive.

Hikaru stayed in the bathroom longer than usual. Sai strained his ears to hear if there was any sobbing there but found none. He felt relieved.  Hikaru didn't seem to be affected much by the earlier incident. Maybe eventually, the boy could forget about that incident and everything would come back to normal. 

Let the pain be only his to bear.

After a long time, Hikaru came out. He went down stair to have dinner with his family, returned to his room to study then went straight to his bed, all without saying a word to Sai.

Following Hikaru, the poor ghost felt hurt and abandoned. Hid didn't dare to say a thing, however, feared that another fight between them would lead to another misunderstanding. Still, Hikaru's ignorance hurt him far more than he could imagine. It made him panic slightly. If this went on forever, what would he do?

It was not earlier than midnight that he managed to calm down and not let his emotions cloud his thought. 

By that time, Hikaru had fall deep into his sleep, unaware of the world around.

As usual, Sai sat somewhere on the ground, watching the boy sleep. It had become a route, a habit. Sai sometimes wondered what else he could do if he had to separate from Hikaru. The boy never asked what he did every night, so Sai never told him. Little did Hikaru know it was in nights like this that his desire for him formed. Nights when the moon was so bright and the peacefully sleeping figure on that bed was framed by the moon's silver light, showing all of his beauty. Innocent and ethereal. Body and soul.

How he longed to touch Hikaru, to taste him, hold him. To feel the warmth once more again. Nights like this were like a type of addicts, fueled his desire and destroyed him at the same time.

And a ghost like him had so many sleepless nights.

A moan interrupted his thought.

So it had started. 

Hikaru had been having nightmares recently. Whenever Sai asked him about it, Hikaru only said that he had forgot. However, he went to bed later than usual, ate less and was distracted so easily. Sai knew that Hikaru did remember much if not all of his nightmare. But why did the boy hesitate in telling him about them?

Soon, Hikaru was turning and tossing, his face showing fear and terror. Sai swiftly moved to the bed and placed a hand on Hikaru's forehead, intended to sooth the boy back into a peaceful sleep. His hand touched Hikaru and passed the surface of the skin to go deep into Hikaru's head. At the same time, Hikaru gasped.

Sai jerked his hand back and hold it in front of his chest as if it was burnt. Another thing he should have remember. Never touch a living creature if you were a ghost. If you did, you would end up hurting both you and that creature.

Hikaru continued to whimper, turning restlessly. He could only stand and watch helplessly.

So damned helplessly. 

Unable to help Hikaru, to chase the nightmares away.

Unable to cry even now when Hikaru was suffering.

Unable to feel even if he did make contact with the beautiful skin of the one he had been yearning for such a long time. Not the warmth. Not the softness. Not pleasure. Nothing.

The emotion on Hikaru's face changed from fear and terror to sadness. Slowly, a tear ran down his cheek and fell to the pillow beneath. Back away from the bed, Sai sunk to the ground, hands clasping on his mouth, chocking back a sob. It hurt. It hurt so much to be helpless. So helpless in anything. If only he got a body.

"You're crying. Sai, what's wrong?"

He startled and looked up. Hikaru had waked up, now half-sitting on the bed, one hand clutching the blanket over his chest. 

Why did you wake up, Hikaru? This pain is my punishment.

It was only thoughts, Sai never dared to speak them out. Cursing himself for waking Hikaru up, he got to his feet and approached the bed. Forcing a smile which he thought to be assuring, Sai spoke "Go back to sleep, it's nothing. Really, Hikaru, why should I be crying?"

Hikaru shook his head as if he didn't believe any words. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.  He lied down, this time back turned to Sai.

Dreading silent hanging in the air once again but this time it didn't last much as Hikaru suddenly said softly without turning around. "Goodnight, Sai."

Sadness didn't really disappear but it did fade. Sai couldn't help smiling. 'It's late, I'll go to bed.' Or 'I'll sleep now' were all what Hikaru had said to him every night for the whole time they were together.  He had no clue why the boy decided to say that to him now, especially after the fight they just had. Maybe tomorrow would be better, he dared to hope.

Goodnight, my Hikaru, and have a nice dream.

End chapter 1.


	2. Promising

Thanks everyone who reviewed me. Your reviews have been a huge support for me to continue this story.

Chapter 2: Promising

Hikaru woke up much earlier than usual. Sai had expected him to be sulking or angry but he seemed to forget all about the are-you-disgusting-with-my-body incident. Talking and joking, everything was the same as everyday.

However, when it came to change his clothes for school, Hikaru's fingers lingered on his sleeping shirt's buttons. In the end, he didn't change in front of Sai as usual, but went to the bathroom instead. No one said a word, but Sai could tell, a gap had been formed between them. 

Later, when the class was over, Hikaru decided to make it up to Sai, feeling rather guilty last night's quarrel, however, his effort managed to make things worse.

"Tomorrow is Saturday so we have a lot of free time tonight, so Sai, want to go somewhere? It may help you relax before your next match tomorrow." Hikaru said once they reached his house, trying to sound as nice as possible. On the way from school to his house, Sai had rarely initiated the conversation so he assumed the thousand-year-old ghost was still furious with him.

"Really." Sai cried excitedly. "You'll give me your time?" He hadn't dared to speak with Hikaru on the way home, fearing that annoying the boy could widen the gap between them. But it seemed he was wrong, Hikaru must have forgiven him. "How about playing Go?"

"Go again?" Hikaru shook his head and step into his room. "God know how many times you've said that. Please, I'm fed up with Go at this moment."

"Play Go. Play Go. Play Go." Sai's ghost arms wrapped around Hikaru as he whined like a puppy dog with waving tail. Unconsciously, he searched for the warmth that he couldn't feel. No, he did feel. Hikaru was light. Hikaru meant warmth. The warmth must be there. So let himself believe in it, even if it was only a deception.

Hikaru didn't answer, something was wrong. At first, he didn't know what, but eventually, he realized Hikaru had gone pale. Add to that fact, the boy was trembling.

"What is it?" Sai slowly separated himself from Hikaru.

"Nothing." The boy answered.

"I refuse to believe in such a lie." Sai yelled, frustrated and hurt. "You were smiling this second and the next, you were trembling as if my touch was disgusting. And you say it's nothing?"

"I said it's nothing." Hikaru also raised his voice. He stood on his tiptoe to bring him to Sai's eye level. "And beside, it's none of your business."

"Damn it, Hikaru." Sai's rage started to get out of his control. How could the boy treat him like this and just said it was none of his business? "Is that a payback? Are you treating me like this because I'm just a ghost? Because I'm dead and useless, unable to even hold a stone so you think you can just look down on me?"

Hikaru stumbled back a few steps, eyes wide, mouth gaping. He hugged himself as if he had just been slapped. His eyes become wet, even though no tear formed. "I... I didn't mean that." He shuttered.

"If not, do you think I deserve an explanation." Sai asked.

For a moment, sadness shadowed Hikaru's eyes, he turned away. "If you want to know that much, I'll tell you." Hikaru hugged himself tighter, his nails dug into his skin. His voice became hoarse. "I never did want to tell you this, but you're so cold. I mean literally When you come too near me, it was freezing with the coldness coming from you. It hurt. You hurt me. But you are my friend and I had thought I did hold a place inside your heart, so I keep trying to stand the ice. But..."

Sai closed his eyes, feeling so defeated. He knew exactly what Hikaru was saying. Vaguely, his wounded heart relived another similar conversation that had taken placed in a different place, at a different time, with a different person.

After two hundred years, the pain still did not stop.

"... but yesterday," Hikaru continued, the anger in his voice almost fade, replaced by faint bitterness, "you made it clear that you care nothing about me. Isn't it right, Sai?"

Sai wanted to scream. Hate Hikaru? That thought had never once entered his mind, even in the deepest of an argument. Speak something, he kept giving himself order, knowing that the lack of words will push Hikaru away from him.

The words were trapped in his throat, they never succeeded in coming out. 

"Figure." Hikaru murmured under his breath, still refused to look at Sai. "I'm so tired of keep trying. I feel like I have lost the reason to. Never want to leave your side but Sai, if you insist on treating me like this, please never come too close to me again." 

Hikaru approached the door. As his right hand wrapped around the knob, he hesitated. "Whatever," he shrugged, "I'll go out tonight to a Go club I've just heard. So let's go."

Sai didn't move a step. What was the point in trying to get near to Hikaru everyday and deceiving that he did feel warmth if in the end, all what he could manage was hurting both of them?

Hikaru slowly turned his head back to Sai, hand still didn't release the doorknob. Their eyes met.

It just happened in a few seconds, Sai later recalled. But at that moment, to him, and maybe to Hikaru as well, a few seconds blended into years. There was so much sadness in Hikaru's eyes that it made Sai keep wishing it to be anger instead. He never did want to hurt his only friend.

Hikaru's hand on the doorknob tightened. It was him who broke the eye contact. Without a word, he shut the door and left.

Sai had never felt so lonely in his existence. Unable to move, he collapsed to the floor, hands covering his face. Once selfish, selfish to the end. He had hurt Hikaru without knowing it. A desperate thought formed as guilty rapidly increased. Playing go suddenly seemed so trifling in comparison to Hikaru's suffering. Maybe... maybe before any mistake could be made, he should leave Hikaru, even if it would mean a very long time before he could play go again.

Hikaru came home very late that night, which made his mother very furious. Even from the closed room of the boy, Sai could still hear the woman yelled at him. He found himself understand the woman, it was well past bedtime. Even he did nearly go mad with worry. 

There was something he learnt from Hikaru's absence, though. It was how he missed his voice, his laughs, even his nonsense rambling, and it was how he was filled with joy to be able to see the boy again. Leaving Hikaru? He wasn't sure of himself anymore.

The door of the room open and Hikaru stepped in. Sai's heart jumped at the sight of his friend. It had nothing to do with lust, it was a strange sense of being whole, of someone that has leave home for so long and now coming back. 

He wanted to be at Hikaru's side. Would the boy forgive him? He was uncertain, but there was one thing he knew for sure, he was willing to get to his knees and beg if it was what needed for Hikaru to take him back.

Somehow, things never happened as one thought. Hikaru greeted him with a forced smile as he hold a wrapped box protectively with both of his arms. Walking across the small room, he put the box on the bed, uncertainty painted his movement. "I have a present for you today", the dark-haired boy said hesitatedly. "It's the book of Go you liked so much at the last fair."

Sai froze, Hikaru had never bought him any Go book, seeing it as a waste of money. Why now in such a sudden, and right after their conflict.

Hikaru slowly look up, letting Sai to have a better view of his wet eyes, even not a single tear was formed. "I was wrong to say those cruel words to you. I know you're prettily angry with me but for all the time we stayed together, can you please for give me?"

"I..." Sai shuttered, didn't know what to react in this unexpected situation. 

"Come back to me. Speak to me. Teach me to play Go. Stay by my side." Hikaru looked down. He clenched his right hand and placed it on his chest. "This heart hurts without you."

Overwhelmed by an unfamiliar sweet emotion, Sai kneed down to bring him to Hikaru's level. He looked straight into Hikaru's eyes. "But you said I was hurting you. I am hurting you."

"I don't care." There was a small sob escape from Hikaru's throat. "That's why I'm stupid. I waste so much time to realize the pain come from loneliness is far more greater than any physical pain."

Deeply touched, Sai said the first thing that came to his mind. "I never feel disgusted with you, body or soul." In fact the beauty of them set me on fire, he silently thought.

"Then why?"

"Don't push it." Sai warned. "I can't tell you now. Ah, but may be someday." Seeing Hikaru's expression quickly turned to suspicion and hurt, he added. His hand rose to Hikaru's face, tracing from his temple to his chin with out touching the surface of the skin, knowing it was futile.

To his surprise, Hikaru learnt into the ghost's touch. "Freezing." He murmured. "But I've got used to this sweet ice that I wouldn't bear not feeling it. Sai, promise me."

"Promise what?" Sai asked, confused at the sudden change of topic.

"Baka." Hikaru chuckled, for the first time in two days feeling light-hearted. "Promise me that you will tell me the reason someday."

You're asking me too much, Sai thought. He considered changing the topic, but an image came into his mind.

Torajiro, lying in a shadowy room, deep in disease...

As the famous go player's life was leaving him, he used the last if his strength to give Sai a thought message. The crying sounds of the patient's relatives faded, Sai could only heard two sentence, "I'm sorry, Sai. I... love you." 

Such two sentences had haunted him for more than one century. Torajiro never knew that his feeling had actually been returned.

This time came Hikaru. Would it be different or the history was just repeating its self? Would he calmly watch Hikaru grow up and wither never knowing of his affection?

Maybe someday...

"Yes, I promised." 

This time, Hikaru smiled. A true smile.

Warmth flooded into him. Sai did feel warmth, not with his skin but with his heart. He was an idiot not to realize it. A ghost wasn't supposed to feel warmth. For a thousand of years, he had been subconsciously searching for it but when he finally achieved it, he didn't realize and threw it away. 

For Torajiro, it was already been too late, he couldn't even say sorry to the man. 

However, Hikaru was living. Sai wasn't ready yet but someday, he would tell Hikaru his feeling. It was a promise he had just made not only to the boy but to himself as well.

End chapter 2


	3. Some one is too slow

Chapter 3: Someone is too slow.

The truth always hurt. To know the reason of his existence did not bring Sai any peace, for at that exact moment of revelation, he felt his stopped time start flowing. And he thought he had had eternity to waste.

Across the room, Hikaru was sitting on the couch, his eyes glued to the television. Now, it even hurt to look at him as the jealousy Sai was holding was so easy to be changed into hatred. 

It was not fair. First, give him a false sense of secure, a taste of forever, then cruelly rob him of them. It was not fair at all because his talent was much greater than Hikaru, he was sure of it, but only Hikaru would have the chance to continue the way towards the Hand of God. Hikaru had everything Sai couldn't have. A life, a bright future and Go. The more he thought about it, the more intensely he envied the boy.  

From time to time, Hikaru would start to cough violently as he was now coughing, arms holding his stomach, face showed great amount of pain. Sai's spirit sunk lower than possible, plagued by guilty and sadness.  For various time during the nights, he had subconsciously wrapped his ghostly hand around the boy's neck, blindly followed the intense jealousy. Only to jerk away in horror as Hikaru thrashed lightly, coughing and moaning.

Sai doubted that he could do any physical harm to the boy, considering he couldn't even touch him, but his icy aura seemed to affect Hikaru in a way. And was it because of him Hikaru's nightmares came every night much more than ever?  He still couldn't help shuddering thinking of what would have happened if he had had a real body.

It would be easier if Hikaru treated him bad. But no, instead of being selfish as usual, the boy's behaviors to him in those days were those of a kind heart. Giving Sai more of his free time, letting Sai playing with other Go players, it was driving him crazy. Because of Hikaru's kindness, love did not fade. He never thought such hatred and love towards a single person could exist.

***

Hikaru's eyes did not leave the television but his mind was on something else.  Something far more important than those stupid shows. Such as why Sai had acted so cold to him lately.

He could say that something was troubling his guardian. He never told Sai about this, but he had been secretly considering the ghost someone he couldn't live without, someone that protected not his physical body but his heart and soul.

So now, Sai's apathy tore his very soul. What else it could be if not apathy? Sai had rarely spoken to him a word for the whole week, especially after their visit to Hikaru's grandfather's house.  Sai's Go was lacking of the usual fire in some and extremely aggressive in others, crushing him in only some early minutes of the games.  What had happened that pushed Sai away from him in such a short time? Hikaru did ask Sai about it but Sai only snapped or yelled at him in anger. 

He coughed again, lately he kept having this terrible cold that worn him out. As if Sai's strange behaviors aren't bad enough, he had to deal with an illness that even the doctor failed to find out the cause. 

However, it was not the physical illness that made his nightmares came more frequently.

The phone rang, as Hikaru answered it, his eyes widen in excitement. He was invited for the Japanese Go Institute Seminar that would take place in the weekends of the next week. He wouldn't have to pay a coin on the cost of traveling, and accommodation for two days. It was thrilling to know that he would actually play the role of a pro for the first time. Besides, the seminar brought the chance of healing the wounded friendship between Sai and him, which warmed his heart much more than any other reasons.

As he put down the phone, Hikaru turned to Sai, who had his eyes downcast, staring at nothing while sitting silently at a corner. Hikaru winced at the pathetic sight of the Go player. "Sai," he said, and as Sai looked up at him questioningly, he tried to give him what he thought a warm smile. "I just received an invitation to come to a Japanese Go Institute Seminar as a pro. Think of it. There would be many famous pros. I'm expected to show them my strength ne? And I think I may let you play, too."

Sai didn't show the slightest sign of excitement, in stead, his eyes darkened. "As a pro? Your strength? You may let me play?" Sai's thought echoed in Hikaru's head. He backed away from the ghost a step as a strange mixed expression crossed his face. Jealousy, hurt, hatred, something close to murder and something else he couldn't make out. 

Wordlessly, the newly become pro retreated to his room, not caring if Sai was following him or not. The disturbing expression existed on Sai's face for only a few seconds, but it carved into his memory. 

Once in his room, Hikaru slid to the ground. His heart threatened to jump out of his chest and.... 

...slowly, his hands rose. Hikaru stared at them dazedly. Could it be possible? His hands were shaking. 

It was an emotion at Hikaru never thought nor wished that he would experience because of Sai. Fear.

***

Sai's hidden jealousy and Hikaru's confusion and uneasy had sunk the trip in silence as each Go player followed his own thoughts. The funny thing was that they both thought of the other but no one dared to initiate the conversation.

It was until Ogata sensei demanded to play with Sai that the silence between them shattered. 

"Let's play him" Sai spoke with a faint sadness in his voice. 

"Being selfish again?" Hikaru just couldn't help feeling furious that the first thing Sai decided to tell him in that day was just a demanding selfishness.

"If he is this drunk then it'll be fine. Couldn't you help me something that simple? You have everything but I have no thing except Go."

Hikaru blinked. Is that what's it about? He was about to say something but decided against it. He nodded and turned to the older pro.

Sai watched wordlessly as Hikaru tricked the other man into playing him. He knew it wouldn't be much of a game but still, little was better than nothing. He only hoped to satisfy some of the other man's passion.

The unnamed anger started to rise up again, fueled by jealousy. When they were followed Ogate sensei to his room, it had risen up to the point he could barely control it. But it was at that time that Hikaru chose to send him a message that made his blood frozen and boiling at the same time. "I thought you knew it already. But I was wrong. Anyway, I don't mind telling you this again. Sai, Go is not the only thing you have. You have me. Have you ever thought of it?"

Sai was shocked. Hikaru's words sent a wave of shame, sadness and longing through him. Those mixed with anger and jealousy, creating a turbulent storm of emotion that invaded his consciousness.  And in the middle of the storm, a memory kept coming back into his mind. A conversation that had taken place not long ago.

*Flash back*

"Sai, promise me."

"Promise what?" 

"Baka. Promise me that you will tell me the reason someday."

 "Yes, I promised."

*End Flash back*

***

"Where is your roommate? It's late." Sai asked.

"Where he is now, of course." Hikaru shrugged, then smiled. "Just kidding. I'm glad that you speak to me again but sometimes, I find it hard to believe that you're with me all the time. Nagae-kun and Yokoi-kun said that they wouldn't go back to our room until 11 pm. So tell me, do you want to play a game?"

"I..." Sai didn't know what to say. Hikaru had showed him only kindness and all what he gave the young pro was his selfishness. "Why aren't you angry with me? I've ignored you for such a long time?"

"I can guess the reason of your silence. To tell the truth, I'm a little hurt. Don't say anything. I understand. After all you're just a human. And no human is perfect." Seeing something still troubled the ghost, Hikaru frown. "What's the matter? Are you still angry with me?"

"No, no. It's not that." Sai quickly shook his head. "I... I just want to know..."

"Just say it. It's not like I'm going to punish you for what you say."

"I want to know if you really mean what you said in the corridor." Sai forced the words out, dreading that Hikaru would say it meant nothing to him.

"OF course." Hikaru quickly answered. Too quickly that it made Sai up sad.

"How can you say something like that so easily?" Sai asked, his eyes downcast. "Please don't say something that you don't meant it."

"But I mean it, Sai."

"Don't say that." Sai cried, turning away. "Your friendship is not enough for me. What else can you give me anyway?"

Sai's words sank to the dimness of the room. Then there were some swishing sounds as Hikaru left the mattress. He wended his way to Sai and stopped in front of the older man. Looked up into Sai's eyes, he said. "So tell me what do you want?" 

As Sai was too stunned to answer, Hikaru continued, placing a hand on his heart for emphasis. "I'll give you anything that you want of me. They're all yours. My heart. My soul. My everything."

"I..." Sai was unable to make any speech. Things just happened too fast for his liking. Did Hikaru know what he was saying?

Hikaru shook his head in annoyance. "You're too slow. So if you don't want to play Go, I'll go to sleep now." As he climbed under the blanket, he said softly, almost inaudible, but he knew Sai would be able to hear it. "I thought my feeling was one-sided but now, I know it's returned. Just don't make me wait too long."

End chapter 3.


	4. The Dream

Note1: I change the story rating to PG13. Oh well, I intend to finish this fic at all cost. At first, I want it to be R-rated but now, I'm just too lazy and tired with it to make it an R fic.

Note2: If you're fan of Kaga, then don't read this chapter. I don't know why I wrote something that terrible of him. He's one of the two people that I like most in the manga. Maybe it was because of all the tension I had lately.

Chapter 4. The dream

The sun was high and bright when Sai stood in the yard of Hikaru's school. Dashing his eyes around in confusion, Sai wondered what he was doing here. He was sure just a moment before, he was sitting beside a sleeping Hikaru, watching the boy tossing and turning, trapped in his nightmare. It had become a painfully usual habit.

"Hikaru, what's going on?" Sai asked, only to be answered by silence. "Hikaru?" His eyes wandered to his side. Hikaru wasn't there. Instead, he squeaked as it caught his eyes that he was no longer wearing his old-fashion clothing anymore. Replacing them was a leather jacket and a modern jean. Horrifyingly enough, the jacket happened to have no buttons, thus gave curious eyes the opportunity to observe his bare chest. 

His hand instinctively flew to his head. The hat was gone, but thank gods, his beautiful hair still remained unharmed. A strangle feeling crept into him.

"Nice to meet you." A soft female girl's voice caught his ears.

Standing before him was a pretty schoolgirl, slightly older than Hikaru. "Hi. I'm  ..... I've been watching you for a while, you're not a student here, aren't you? I've never seen you before. Do you come here to see someone?"

"I..." Words couldn't come out of his mouth as Sai was too shocked having someone rather than Hikaru be able to see him.

"What's your name?" A friendly smile blossomed on the girl's lips.

"It's none of your business.' Sai blurted out, he definitely didn't want to tell her his name when he was still unsure of what was going on. However, as the girl's smile flattered and she looked about to cry, he regretted his bad temper. He quickly apologized. 'Sorry. I'm not in a good mood today. Do you know where Hikaru Shindo is?"

"The boy that used to be in the no-one-want-to get-in Go Club? Well, since he became a pro in Go, he became quite popular as well. I've just seen him go to the Go club just some minutes ago."

"Thanks." Sai smiled back at her, trying to be polite. But a thousand years not having a single word with the opposite sex made him feel nervous, especially when hearts began to form in the girl's eyes. "I have to find him now, Bye." He hastily made an excuse to get away from her.

Behind him, several other girls wearing uniforms of Hikaru school rushed to her side. 

"What did he said?" They asked.

"He looks really hot but he's cold as well." 

"That makes him mystical then."

"Do you think I can get a date with him?"

Sai couldn't help blushing.

The girl was right when she said Hikaru had gone to the Go club. Only that Sai found him not inside the club but outside, under the window of the room. The scene was terribly familiar. Hikaru had come and sat here in silence almost every time the club members gathered. Sai had once asked him why, but the boy refused to explain. As he had been too absorbed in his Go, the subject had never been mentioned again.

"Hikaru, what're you doing here?" He asked anyway.

"Shhh." Hikaru placed a finger on his lips and whispered. "Don't talk so loudly. If they found me here, they would hate me even more." Quickly Hikaru grabbed his bag and scrambled away from the window carefully so that nobody would notice him. He walked away without paying any attention to the older Go player.

"What do you mean? They don't hate you." Sai ran after the boy, feeling hurt at the boy's coldness and surprised that Hikaru didn't even give a comment about his strange outfit.

"Yes, they do." Hikaru insisted. "Ever since I left the club, they have always been hating me."

"No. They considered you their friend. How can you think so low of them?"

"What do you know anyway?" Hikaru glared.

"If you think they hate you, why did you come here in the first place."

"Because they're still very important to me." These words was spoken barely audible but then, Hikaru raised his voice angrily. "Why suddenly care? Just ignore me like you always did before."

Sai was taken back as for a moment, pain crossed Hikaru's beautiful face. It was the pain of someone who had been lonely for a very long time. God knows how many times he had seen that expression on various soldiers who had to separate from their families to go to faraway lands back from Torajiro's time.

The expression disappeared quickly and standing before him was the cheerful boy Sai used to know. Only now he kept wondering if that cheerfulness was only a mask.

"Don't worry, Sai, it's nothing." Hikaru smiled sweetly. "I'm just kidding."

Why couldn't I believe in it? Sai thought but before any further question was given, Hikaru vanished. Sai gasped, looking around. Did he really see what he thought he did? 

Add to the mystery, the sky had gone dark as dawn dropped it velvet curtain on everything. 

Just a moment before, it was bright noon.

An uncertain fear rushed to the Go player. Reality would never be like this. This seemed like a dream. A strange dream.

Speaking of a dream, Sai suddenly remember...

_Hikaru keeps tossing and turning. What is he dreaming that make him suffer like that?_

Why that terrible dream still didn't go away? It has been over an hour. I wish I could help him.

_Hikaru, what should I do to chase your nightmare away? If only I could know your dreams. God, please let me help him._

That's it, Sai thought. Could it be possible that God had heard his plea and now, he got stuck in Hikaru's dream? Or it is a nightmare?

There was no proof that showed his guess was true. But the thought lingered. Maybe if he found Hikaru, he would understand what was really going on.

As now, it was late in the evening, every students studying here must have gone home. Sai decided to have a peer into Hikaru's classroom, just to make sure if the boy were there then he would go back to the boy's house. The strange feeling returned. It was like he had forgotten something important, very important, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't remember it.

On his way to Hikaru's classroom, Sai heard the boy's voice from another room. That room had been Hikaru's classroom a few years before.

"Please teach me how to advance in Go quickly."

"Why suddenly? You didn't seem to be interested in Go before." Replied another male voice, which after a while Sai recognized it to be Kaga's voice.

"It's different now. I want to make somebody be proud of me." Hikaru explained.

The door of the classroom was slightly open so Sai could easily looked inside. He nearly cried out in surprise. Standing there was a smaller version of Hikaru. It was as if time had turned back to the past.

The small Hikaru held up a Go board expectedly. "Please."

"Fine," answered, sitting down a nearby chair. "But I can't understand why it must be in this classroom. Why don't you come to the club?"

"I don't want him to know about this yet."

"Him?" Kaga lift his eyebrow. "How can this person know? Oh well, don't glare at me. It's none of my business anyway. I'll help you but everything comes with a price.

"I... I don't have much to give you but I'll save enough to..." Hikaru stammered, his hands nervously traveled along the side of the board.

"Who said anything about money?" Kaga smirked "It's a lot simpler. Just follow my rules."

Watching that scene, Sai almost smiled. He knew the one Hikaru tried so hard to make him proud of was himself. There was still his grandfather but Hikaru never wanted to try to make the old man's expectation. He did smiled when Kaga made his first move. 

"Um, I don't know the rule of Go. Could you explain it to me?"

"What? Then how did you win in all those games? Oh never mind, I'll."

Hikaru had such a good friend and he still claimed that everyone hate him.

But as time went on, Sai slowly lost his smiled. Kaga touched his Hikaru too much.       Had left his seat, now standing behind Hikaru, telling the boy the basic rule of the game. From time to time, he would brush his fingers here and there, with the excuse of guiding the boy. Hikaru looked visibly uncomfortable, but he sat still.

Both Sai and Hikaru squeaked, one inaudible, one loud as Kaga bent over Hikaru's shoulder to point at some thing on the board, his lips deceased to nip at the poor boy's earlobe at the same time.

"What, what are you doing?" Hikaru jerked his head away and turned back in shock.

Clasping his hands on Hikaru's shoulder, turned him back to the board. "Didn't I say there would be my rules? If you want me to teach you, you must follow it. If you can't, however, you do not worth my time. So, we continue or not?"

Hikaru shut his eyes for a moment, a faint tremor ran through his body. "Let's continue." Finally he said.

The 'lesson' resumed as if nothing happened, only now Kaga's hands become more daring. Sai was burning with rage. Watching Hikaru constantly being groped making his blood boiled. Hardly could he control himself not to burst into that room and... and what a ghost could to in this situation, he had no clue. However, he was sure he would be dammed if he let the Shougi player get out of this without paying.

Inside the room, Kaga tilted Hikaru's face up and lean down, gently placed his lips on Hikaru. The boy's eyes widen. He tried to break the kiss. The older boy growled and turned the kiss to brutal as Hikaru struggled and refuse to respond. The hand on Hikaru chin tightened, forcing his jaw to open, giving entrance to the seeking tongue.

Sai was seeing stars. He could tell it was Hikaru's first kiss. It was supposed for him to take but that bastard robbed it in a worst way possible. All thought flew out of the window, he burst into the room, startling both Hikaru and     .

"Sai." Hikaru cried, followed by a pathetic, heart-broken 'no'. The boy entangled himself from Kaga hastily, grabbing his bag and run out. 

"Hikaru, Wait." Sai would have run after him if Kaga did not choose that moment to speak up. "Don't tell me you're boyfriend of Mr. Little Innocence here. It would be a pity then, for the innocence boy would turn out to be not innocent at all."

"You,... how could you do that?" Sai growled, turning his attention back to    . "He trusted you. How could you betray him like that? How dare you trying to rape him?"

  smirked. "Don't use such big words. I'm just playing around. Of course I wouldn't rape him even if you didn't interrupt us. I don't want to rot in jail for fucking a child. So just smile and share your cute..." Kaga's words were cut off as Sai's fist connected with his jaw, hard enough to send him sprawled on the floor. He did not get up.

Sai stared numbly at his hands. Now he knew the reason of the strange sensation earlier. His hand was still stinging after the contact with   jaw. From the wounds on his palms, where earlier he had clenched his fist so hard in his anger, blood still oozed out. There were also the roughness of the clothes and the softness of the night breeze from the open window on his skin. Was it already night? Time flew so quickly in this nightmare.

It was ironical that the desire to feel against had been burning in him for such a long time, and when his wish came true, he didn't even realized it. Slowly, Sai brought his hand to his face, some how, he had materialized.

However, what shaken him to the core was not that but a revelation. What he had just seen in this room was not only a dream. It was a memory. He remembered them quite well, those days when Hikaru demanded him to go home with out him, the boy himself coming back rather late. He did make progress in Go fast, which Sai thought was thank to him. 

"I have a meeting with Kaga-san." 

Hikaru said almost everyday for about a month. 

Never did he once question Hikaru what was those meetings for. With a sense of shame, Sai realized he didn't once show a single emotion at Hikaru's progress either. Hikaru was right. He was too selfish.

If only...

End chapter 4.


	5. Where dreams and reality meet

**To Give Hikaru no Go a Yaoi Meaning - The Dream We Share**

**Chapter 5 - **_Where dreams and reality meet_

* * *

Kaga groaned and stirred. Sai turned his gaze to him with hatred. He knelt down and raised his fist, intended to beat Kaga to death, but then Sai froze as someone hold back his fist and a familiar voice cut off his anger. "Don't do that, Sai."

Sai turned back. Standing before him was Hikaru, not the Hikaru he used to know but an older version of the boy. Slowly, his eyes traveled up and down the one before him, trying to take in all the differences.

This Hikaru was about twenty. He looked more like a man than a boy, though his face was still boyish. His clothes were the same as Hikaru's uniform. It was the confidence radiating from every of his movement that marked the greatest difference between them.

"Who... who are you?" Sai gasped.

"I'm sad. You forget your Hikaru already?" Hikaru faked a sad expression.

"But..."

Not waiting for Sai to finish his sentence, Hikaru grabbed Sai's wrist and pulled him up, then dragged him forcefully out of there.

"Wait, Hikaru, where are you taking me to?" Sai tried to ask. But Hikaru ignored him and kept dragging him far away from that classroom and into the corridor. Then he abruptly stopped.

"What's wrong with you?" Sai asked, breathing heavily. He had to lean to the wall for support. He didn't remember human body was so weak. Being a ghost, he could fly around the whole Japan maybe in just a day. And Hikaru didn't even sweat.

"Want to know?" Hikaru smirked almost evilly. "I'm just too frustrated not to taste you for such a long time."

"What?" Sai snapped his head up in disbelief. "What did you just say?"

"Have trouble hearing? I said I want to have a taste of you." Hikaru just shrugged. He swiftly closed the space between him and Sai. Before the ghost could react, he pressed Sai to the wall behind them.

Sai couldn't do anything else. Hikaru's eyes burnt into him, seemed to suck out his soul completely. He could feel the warmth of the other's body even with all the clothes separating them. And the way their groins grinding to each other was... it was driving him crazy.

Grabbing the back of Sai's head, Hikaru dove, capturing his lips in an intense kiss. Sai was too shock to respond, but Hikaru kept putting more pressure until Sai open his mouth and returning his passion.

After few more seconds, Hikaru broke the kiss and licked lightly across Sai's lips one last time then sighed. "I've wanted this for so long." He murmured as his head half rested on Sai's shoulder, his arms encircled Sai's waist.

Desire burnt through him like wild fire. Sai wanted to tell Hikaru so many things but he found himself unable to make a word. In the end, he gave up conversation and just pulled Hikaru's face up, this time initiating the kiss. Despite the previous performance of domination, Hikaru submitted to him immediately. The young man held him closer and opened his lips to let the demanding tongue in.

"I... Hikaru... I think I lov..." Sai whispered as their lips parted.

A finger placed on his mouth. "Stop. Don't say that."

Sai took the hand and subconsciously tightened his hold on it. Hikaru winced, but didn't pull away. "Why?" Sai asked. "You have no feeling for me? Then what is this game?"

Hikaru shook his head sadly. "I love you, but..."

His hand was released; he turned and walked a few steps away from Sai. "But those words you should save for someone else."

Straightening up, Sai stormed towards the young man. Grasping his shoulder, Sai turned him around rather forcefully. "You kissed me. Are you going to say you were just playing a game here? Only you matter to me. No body else."

Hikaru shrugged his hands off, but kept the eyes contact firmly. "You don't understand. I love you and I never doubted your feelings for Hikaru Shindou. But I'm not really him."

Those large eyes became so glassy. Suddenly he had the feeling he was looking into the eyes of a doll, a pretty doll. And the words Hikaru had just said confused him greatly. "You... What do you mean?"  
The young man smiled, though there's no humor in his expression. "I am Hikaru Shindou, and at the same time, I am not him"

"I don't understand." Sai whispered, one hand flew up to clasp on his mouth, thus making his voice barely audible. "So all of this is just my imagination? Just my dream after all?"

"Wrong." Hikaru answered, coldly and a little accusingly. "This is not yours, but his imagination, his dreams. Dreams are not real, but emotions and memories are always real."

"I..." Sai trailed off, suddenly breathing seemed too painful. "Then who are you? If this is Hikaru's memories, why are you here?"

The young man walked closer to him. Slowly, he reached for the ghost's hand and guided it to his heart. "Feel my presence, Sai."

Sai closed his eyes automatically and let him feel. At first, there was only blankness, then a familiar presence knocked at the door of his mind. He smiled slightly inside and let it in. Immediately, he was overwhelmed with Hikaru's warm existence. But there was something different too; this Hikaru's aura was much stronger and more confident than that of the Hikaru he was familiar with. Sai could tell the aura was even darker and more dangerous.

"You... but you said..."

"I know you would think of God, but it was me who brought you here. I'm not Hikaru, for like you, I'm not real. But I'm also Hikaru for I'm everything that he wants to be but refuses himself. I'm his dreams, his hopes, his desires, and Sai..." Hikaru's voice suddenly lost its coldness. "I'm carrying in my heart his love as well."

Sai stared at this Hikaru in shock. What he was saying was so unbelievable, but at the same time, it explained everything. And as the burning emotions in those bright eyes craved deep into his soul, Sai realized every single word of Hikaru was true. He touched Hikaru's cheek hesitatingly. "I... I think I believe you. But then... What am I doing here?"

"If you want to know, if you really care about Hikaru, try to think with his mind, see with his eyes and feel with his heart." The older version of Hikaru answered.

"I want to. But I'm not him. How can I feel the world as him?"

"Let me lend you his mind, his eyes, his heart." Hikaru leaned in and pressed his lips gently over Sai's.

It wasn't even a light kiss. But as they touched, a link was formed between them. The warm presence returned. Sai opened his mind to welcome it, but he didn't expect a whirlwind of emotions to follow. It seemed he was drowning in a sea of loneliness. Hopeless desire and unreturned friendship burnt so brightly while the pain of self hatred, fear and humiliation were freezing him up. All was bottled up under the perfect mask of a carefree boy to the point of suffocating.

And above all, it was an overwhelming love, dimming everything else.

"What... what's this?" Sai choked. Tears began to form in his eyes. "Hikaru couldn't have felt all of this. He shouldn't have."

"But these feelings are real." Hikaru said and released Sai. Without support, Sai fell to his knees, unable to stand the intense of those emotions. Hikaru sighed and touched his forehead. "I'm sorry for making you feel all of these feelings. Let me take them back."

Hikaru's hand was so warm. From the place where their skin met, the warmth spread and made the pain fade. It dimmed the link between them as well.

"He... he really loves me." His voice was full with emotions. He accepted Hikaru's offering hand to help him up. "But why there is so much pain?"

Hikaru lowered his voice. "Being with you has never been easy. Go has taken away most of Hikaru's free time. Back to those days, walking to school and being isolated... friends... what precious friends I have... always being abandoned by them... being thought as an arrogant boy who used his talent to look down on others... and the memories of Kaga's lessons were always fresh even though he had left school. And... and you seemed to care only for your Go..."

"I never thought I had brought Hikaru so much pain." Sai whispered, feeling tears coming to his eyes again, but they refused to break free. He felt as if the young man could see through every of his mind barrier even though Hikaru didn't look at him.

"And..." Hikaru continued. "... and when those tumultuous emotions collided in dreams, I was born. I was the form he took to face with the demons of his nightmares. I gave him the strength he needs to go on. I thought I would continue our life this way forever, but..." Hikaru closed his eyes, but didn't stop talking. "Though I love you so much, Hikaru loves you so much... One side love soon became not enough. Being with you hurts so much. Sai, we hurt. We are so tired of just giving and giving and not receiving anything back."

"...I'm so tired, Sai..."

* * *

_To be continued..._


	6. Searching for his heart

**To give Hikaru no Go a yaoi meaning - The dream we share**

_Kal Kally_

**Chapter 6** - _Searching for his heart_

* * *

"I'm so tired, Sai."

Those words were full of sadness. Sai felt as if each word had turned into steel, penetrating his soul more efficient than any knife. He had never realized being with him could bring Hikaru so much pain. Even in this form, where strength and confidence combined to create its life force, Hikaru still looked so lonely, so forlorn.

Without thoughts, he pulled Hikaru to him and wrapped his arms around that delicate body. "I never realized… I was so trapped in my selfishness that your suffering didn't catch my eyes. I was so blind. I'm sorry, so sorry, Hikaru…"

Hikaru leaned to him for a second then pulled away. "Don't talk of being sorry. It won't do anything useful. No words of yours can chase away the past. You can't take back what you had given."

That was harsh. Sai bit his lips. "Then it was too late? You won't forgive me, won't you?" Just thinking of Hikaru hating him brought the ghost sharp pain directly to his heart. Hesitantly, he raised his hand towards Hikaru's cheek but didn't dare to touch the skin, afraid of being rejected again.

"I won't forgive you." Hikaru said.

It hurt. Sai dropped his hand. Even when he committed suicide or when he cried over the death of Torajiro more than just a life time ago, it didn't hurt this much. The feeling of having what he had always desired without knowing it, and then lost it by his own fault gave birth to bitterness and regret, more painful than he had ever felt.

Sai half turned away. It was his fault after all. "I understand. I have no right to ask anything from you. Maybe you won't believe it, but I've never wanted to hurt you. It's all because of my selfishness. I won't let myself be lost in that selfishness ever again. If you want, I… I'll return to that goban."

"No!" Hikaru cried. His hand caught Sai's upper arm as he pulled Sai back to face him. "You misunderstand it. I said I won't forgive you for I have never blamed you."

"But how can it be?" Sai asked, stunned.

"Sai, I'm hurt. But this is the way we chose. Hikaru doesn't regret. I don't. Even if I can turn back time, we'll surely walk this way again. If I want to blame you, I'd rather throw everything at your face while I'm still awake. If I want to get rid of you, I'd rather wait until your time is over, and then I'll never have to deal with you."

"You know. How…" Sai said quietly. "I've tried to tell Hikaru, but he doesn't understand."

"He guessed. But he just ignored. Didn't I tell you I formed from all the things that he denies himself to be?"

"I…"

"Let me finish. What I want to say is that I managed to bring you here, and I would willingly get to my knees and beg if needed. Please try to make thing right when you still have time. Don't let this emotion die before it's born."

"But I don't know ho--" Sai looked down, admitted shamefully. He didn't finish his sentence and snapped his head up in alarm as Hikaru suddenly screamed, hugging his chest and flopped forward into Sai's arms.

"What's wrong?" Sai asked.

"He hurts." Hikaru gasped out. "The real Hikaru. He hurts so much. There's much more pain than ever. I… " His words died out as he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned to Sai heavily.

"What happened to Hikaru?" Sai was close to panic, but the other didn't answer. He just shuddered in the ghost's arms, his face a mask of agony. Sai felt as if the pain had transferred to him as well. Hikaru shouldn't have felt pain at all. He didn't know why, but an image of a smiling Hikaru he had seen on the first day they met flickered through his mind, upsetting him even more.

The shudders became less, but not vanished completely. Hikaru's breath got steadier. He jerked out of Sai's hold and dragged himself to the wall and sat down. "You have to find him, Sa--"

A horrible noise cut off his words as the earth trembled underneath them. "What--" Sai cried and barely dodged a large piece of the ceiling crashing down. Ceilings and walls cracked, dust and small pieces of bricks started to fall on them.

"I've reached my limit." Hikaru's voice was trembling. "I could receive no more anger and sadness from him. The link has closed, but emotions keep generating from his heart and flowing into me."

Another earthquake came. It went away quickly, but it was much more violent. The whole building trembled. Broken glass from windows and more dust and pieces of bricks fell down. Sai looked up at the cracked ceiling then turned his gaze back to Hikaru. "We have to get out of here." He said and got down on one knee, intended to gather Hikaru into his arms.

However, his hands went straight through Hikaru's body. A wave of fear rippled through his body. Had he once again returned to a bodiless ghost?

As if reading his mind, Hikaru shook his head. "No. It's not you. It's me. I don't belong to Hikaru's dream. He doesn't know about the existence of me. When the dream comes to an end, emotions become so strong and I can't make myself a part of his dream anymore."

Hikaru gestured their surroundings. "All of these are created by pieces of his memories. It is a dream created by me. When I am too weakened by the pain I receive from him, this dream will shatter and his dream will start to form. God." His face twisted as he placed a hand on his eyes, as if wanting to block himself from everything. "It happens every night. It happens every time sleep claims him. No matter what I do, I can't stop his dream. His dream always ends with death."

Sai sprang to his feet, stared down at the person at his feet in horror. "No, that's not true. You're lying."

"I don't have a reason to lie to you, do I?" Hikaru managed a weak smile. "You need to find him. You must find him and make things right before his dream ends. Hurry up!"

"What about you?" Sai asked, torn between the wish to go to his Hikaru and the wish to protect this Hikaru. "I can't leave you here."

Hikaru stared up at him with sad eyes but a smile appeared on his lips. "Don't worry about me. Even if I died a thousand times, I would still be reborn if these nightmares didn't really stop. I'm supposed to be happy for the certainty of my existence, right? But when this pain burns so bright, I just want to rest."

"But…" Sai cried and winced as a large piece of brick fell right at their side.

Hikaru curled up, hugging his chest in extreme pain, but his words were clear. "Please help me return to the real Hikaru."

And Sai understood. Making up his mind, he stood up and ran out of that place. At the door, he paused and turned to Hikaru.

"Go!" Hikaru ordered.

Hikaru's eyes were filled with pain and sadness, but there was no regret. Sai nodded and turned away.

He had just run out of the building for a short distance when he heard a terrible noise. Sai swirled around. "Hikaru…" He whispered the name in shock as he stared at the ruins of what had once been Kaze high school.

Everything happened in a blur. The next thing he knew he was digging into the huge pile of bricks with his bare hands. Dust was all over his hair and clothes, and on the back of his left hand was a long gash caused by a shard of broken glass. He wasn't even aware of it. Although he knew that the Hikaru under this ruin was only a Hikaru of dream, an illusion, but his heart was still heavy with pain. It had felt all so real, the roughness of broken bricks under his hands, the sight of destruction before his eyes, the terrible noise he had heard… it felt as if he had abandoned Hikaru to death and run away alone.

Unexpectedly a strange feeling swept through him, making him drop the piece of brick he was holding. A familiar existence tapped at his mind. Sai sensed a warm smile, and suddenly he knew everything was alright.

"Thanks." Sai whispered and slightly bow his head. He glanced at the ruins one last time then ran away.

The noise of buildings collapsing was terrible, and there was so much dust in the air that it was difficult to breathe. Several trees burst into flame, and soon, the houses caught fire. Sai panted heavily as he tied back his left shoe, feeling slightly overwhelmed with all the destruction around him. It was a lucky thing that he was clad in modern clothes in stead of those inconvenient ancient ones or else it would be a nightmare to move around in this collapsing city.

Where was Hikaru? He had looked for the boy everywhere he could think of, but… Sai winced as the two-storey house on his left collapsed. The sound it made hurt his ears. He might have wanted to be alive, to touch, to feel, to smell as a living person; but in a situation like this, he couldn't help thinking that if he were still a ghost, he wouldn't have to feel so much exhaustion and heat.

Taking a deep breath, Sai forced his legs to walk again. He couldn't make it far as a large burning tree suddenly fall in front of him. "What the…" He gasped. For an entire minute, he could only stare at it, his mind blank.

The moment thoughts returned was also the moment when panic hit him with full force. The street behind him was blocked when a high building crumbled earlier. It was no use turning back. He tried to get closer to the burning tree, but found it impossible due to fire and heat. He was truly trapped.

Sai fell to his knees. The broken glass scattering all over the street cut through his jeans and into his skin. He could hardly care though, for panic had turned into despair as he knew this would be the only chance for him and Hikaru. Was this really the end? Were all of his and the strong Hikaru's efforts just for nothing? He had failed…

"God… why…" he groaned brokenly. "I just want to see him. Hikaru… I just want to be by your side…"

Suddenly the on his skin vanished. His eyes opened and words immediately died on his tongue. Around him was no longer the burning street, instead, he found himself standing before the door of Hikaru's house.

"What…?" Sai looked around, shock drown away the joy he should have felt because of being able to escape from that place.

"Why am I here?" He asked himself, standing there for another minute, trying to understand what had happened. Then something clicked, and he laughed. "But of course!"

The house! Hikaru may be in the house! Actually, this was the first place he went to after leaving Hikaru's school, but as the door was lock, he assumed that nobody was in the house. How careless he was. Breathed out in relief, Sai walked hastily to the door, and… fell to the ground as he bumped into it. Sai looked up at the door with an unreadable expression on his face. It sucked to be alive sometimes.

So flying through the door was useless now. Sai grimaced and knocked on it. As he expected, there was no answer. But as he looked up, he knew for sure that Hikaru was here. The house was unharmed even though everything around it had reduced to just piles of bricks, broken glass and ashes. He grimaced again and started to hit the door with his shoulders and knees. In the end, he managed to burst into the house. This time he didn't waste any second and rushed straight to Hikaru's room.

His fingers clenched around the knob, but they loosened before he could yank the door open. Hikaru of the dream had told him of death. With a sinking feeling, he realized if Hikaru did think of anything like that, the least thing he wanted to do would be startling the boy.

So trying to make as little noise as possible, Sai opened the door slightly and peered in. His eyes immediately widened. In front of the window was Hikaru. Even though the boy was standing with his back turned to him, Sai could still see the shape of what he was holding. It was a knife with the sharp point of it pointing at Hikaru's chest.

_Chapter 6 End_

* * *

Kal sweat-drop as she thinks about the time she used to make this chapter. "Anyway, since I've finished this fic in the hand-writing version, the next chapter should be up soon." 


End file.
